Someone once said that anyone can have a child and call themselves “a parent”, but a real parent is someone who puts that child above their own selfish needs and wants. When asked about the needs of their child and how difficult it is to meet those needs, many may have a different perspective or opinion and some may even say it’s a walk in the park. After all, it’s easy to identify your child’s physical needs: nutritious food, warm clothes when it’s cold and making sure that your child goes to bed at a reasonable hour… just to name a few. But what about your child’s emotional needs and why is it important to know what it is? All human needs are inter-related and inter-dependant. For example, your child may fight sleep for fear that you may leave home. So meeting your child’s emotional needs are equally important to his development as meeting his physical needs. Here’s why: To develop his ability to form healthy emotional relationships throughout his life To know how to handle stress and trauma To develop a strong sense of competency and self-worth To develop the ability to effectively manage impulses and emotions To develop empathy, compassion and conscience for others And to develop a core belief system Growing up is difficult. Learning to manage feelings, make sense of a complex adult world and learning to find one’s own identity is not an easy task! And no matter how much parents try to protect their child from frightening situations, however reasonable and loving they may be or however child-centred a school they choose for their child, growing up is filled with difficulties. “We’ve tried everything”… “We treat them all alike”… “We’ve given the child everything he wants”. These three remarks are frequently heard when parents ask for help with a difficult child. The first suggests inconsistent handling, with swings between strict control and weak indulgence… The second overlooks the fact that siblings are not ‘all alike’ but vary in age and personality – and therefore in their individual needs… The third remark suggests that the parents have tried to compensate in irrelevant, extravagant material ways for their difficulty in meeting their child’s emotional needs. (Berry, 1972) Failure to meet children’s needs If one of the basic needs remains unmet (or inadequately met), it will have an influence on all the aspects of your child’s development. Emotional and behavioral disturbances are a good sign that you need to seek help. Be sure not to miss the next few posts where we deal with the four different basic needs. Resources: FACT Manual: Socio-emotional Assessment of children. Compiled by Louise Aucamp O’Conner, K.J. 2013. Play Therapy. Treatment Planning and Interventions. The Ecosystemic Model and Workbook. Second Edition. Elsevier. Oxford. Pringle, M.K. 1975. The Needs of Children. Routledge, Oxon.